Want to hear from God? Go to Africa.

So, I went to Africa. It's actually been almost a week since I've been home, and though I've told everyone who's asked all I could about the experience, I don't think I've fully processed all that happened or all I learned. This blog is that attempt...brace yourselves for a long one.

I've always been a writer. It is much easier for me to sit and write letters or type messages or emails than it is for me to talk face to face or even have a phone conversation. I don't know if it's the process time I need or the security of knowing I can erase and restart if I feel I've said something stupid. I guess the keyboard is my security blanket...But even now, as I flip through my journal and reread the notes from my Kenyan rafikis, the words are so hard to come by. How do you put ten days of distraction free learning and eye opening awareness into writing?

I guess I'll start with what I learned specifically from the devotions that Jake Beaty shared with us each morning. It would be a disservice to all who read this for me to withhold the wisdom that he poured into us each day.

1. Jesus stepped out of his comfort zone for us - in a big way. For us to serve Him as we are supposed to, we are going to have to do the same. So what is it that you have to die to in order to do that? What idols are in the way of the relationship that God really wants you to have with Him? When Jake asked us these questions, I really didn't know how to respond. My initial thought was of course the comfort of the lifestyles we left behind in America...but then I realized that if I was being truly honest, pride in my life is the real idol I needed to die to. I need people to like me. I'm a people pleaser - a yes man. I become the person that I think people want me to be. I don't like conflict or confrontation; I just keep people happy. I realized that I was going to have to deal with that on this trip, and it was a struggle throughout. But I learned also that the time I spend worried about what people think is time wasted. The only standard I'm living to is God's. Bottom line: the Lord said to me, "Get over yourself. Stop trying to please people and start pleasing me."

2. God wants to heal us. We just have to lay down whatever it is that needs to be healed. Imagine what God could put in place of the hurt, the sin, the insecurities if we just gave it to Him. Do we trust that He can and will heal us? Do we even believe we deserve to be healed or happy? That's certainly something I struggle with, and it is something that God began to work in my heart during my time in Africa. Bottom line: the Lord said to me, "I want you to be healed. It's okay to be happy. Let go of the guilt because I have forgiven you."

Apart from what I took away just from Jake's morning devotions, I think I can wrap up what I have learned from the trip so far in three main ideas. I am sure I will be learning from this trip for the rest of my life, but here is what I've been given to date...

1. One of my biggest downfalls - and here comes that pride issue again - is my need to be busy, be involved, and to be the best. I over commit on a near daily basis, and I don't do anything halfway. While a lot of what I do is church volunteer stuff, my personal relationship with Christ suffers because that is usually what gets cut when I just don't have any more time. I have literal panic attacks when I am late or something doesn't go as planned, and I have a serious need to be in charge so things are "done right the first time." I am willingly putting some serious anxiety in my life, and I have always been that way. Spending ten days in a distraction free environment - meaning no technology, no agenda, no meetings, and all of the quiet, beautiful, simplicity I could ask for - pretty much rocked my world. Stepping foot in Africa melted every worry I had...stepping off the plane in Dallas as we entered America again to over 200 emails, text messages, voice mails, facebook messages, and tweets piled it right back on. Yes, it was so good to be home. I missed America and all of its conveniences. But where do I draw the line? I have got to be able to say no to the world in order to have time to say yes to God. Bottom line: the Lord said to me, "I am bigger than your schedule. You are not in control."

2. From the time we stepped foot on Frank the Tank and drove through the countryside, I began wondering, "What exactly do these people do all day?" People were everywhere but always seemed to me to be doing absolutely nothing. They were sitting on the side of the road, walking through a grassy field in no particular direction, standing amongst a herd of goats or cows, or riding their bikes on endless dirt roads. My "go, go, go" mentality of living took over, and I just couldn't understand what exactly their purpose for life was. I was sure they woke up, found food and water, and went to sleep...just to do it all over again the next day. I literally wrote in my journal, "What kind of life do these people live?" And then I realized...couldn't (and shouldn't) the same question be asked of me? My life is full of distractions. Endless to-do lists filled with meaningless tasks, meetings in which I waste time discussing things that don't matter just to fulfill the need I have to be important, schedules and agendas that stress me out but really don't matter at the end of the day. Sure I'm busy...always heading somewhere to do something for someone...but what exactly is my purpose for life? As a Christian, I believe my purpose for life is supposed to be to glorify God and make his name known. That is one of the main reasons I went to Kenya to begin with. But let's be real. Could someone who didn't know me look at my life and be 100% sure that all I did was to glorify God. I doubt it. Bottom line: the Lord said to me, "I have a purpose for your life. You just have to trust me and glorify me in ALL that you do."

3. Jake said in one of his devotions that God wants to fulfill our dreams. We don't have to strive after them; we just have to abide. God wouldn't have put the dreams in our hearts if He didn't want us to have them. He hears and answers prayers. Yes, he may delay His response for His own purposes, but the Lord will always be sensitive to the cries of our heart. I know I am not alone when I say there are times I feel that I am being ignored by God. On my bathroom mirror I have Romans 8:25, "but if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." That is a hard, hard thing to do, and it's something I thought a lot about while in Africa. One of my sweet Kenyan rafikis wrote a letter to me before I left. In it she chose to include Jeremiah 29:11. It says, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" God is in control. He knows what is best for us and has already planned every last second of our lives. He placed the dreams in our hearts, and He listens to our prayers. In that we can always take comfort. Bottom line: the Lord said to me, "I hear your prayers and will answer them. Be patient."

Something our team was told while we were in Africa is that life is a series of listening to God and doing what He says. He doesn't look for ability - he looks for availability. As I make these reflections I am so thankful that I listened and did what I felt God calling me to do. I am thankful for the challenging questions I was asked, the calls to step out of my comfort zone, and the opportunity to serve a beautiful people. I am thankful for the men and women who were placed in my life to share this adventure with me, and I am looking forward to sharing life with them from now on.

If we each hadn't listened when God called us, we would not have been able to be a part of this life changing experience. As I finish up this first of what I am sure will be many reflections of this trip, I have to ask: Are you willing to listen and do?